i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
