So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
