Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
