Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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