is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
