How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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