____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
