I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize