It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
