You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
