That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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