I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
