you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize