I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
