think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
birth control should be required to get into college
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
