there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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