the condom got lost in my hair
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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