i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
