i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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