Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
