Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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