When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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