If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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