i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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