We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
