Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
