I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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