Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You are the jesus of drinking
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
