i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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