I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
