i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
