He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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