38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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