Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize