that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
