we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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