You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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