The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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