how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just threw up on my dentist
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
