I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
