So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
