My room smells like vodka and shame
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I love having hate sex.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize