Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
