I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
