Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
