You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
