i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
