Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
