She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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