I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
