anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
