I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
