Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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