He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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