Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
