i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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