Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
