Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
