anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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