bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
