Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
